Not feeling myself this week.

 For reasons I won’t specify this week has been hard for me. Maybe the hardest week in a very long, long time. I find myself as a result neglecting my running, not eating properly, missing out on sleep and being a bit of a grump. It’s hard sometimes when you hit a low. It can be hard to re-level yourself and feel like normal, for me at least, it can be easy to stay bogged down in my low mood. But I have a secret weapon; my husband, my friends, a glass of gin and juice (or maybe two) and of course the dog!

If only I had Duke the days I had boyfriends that didn’t text back!!! And when I was writing my dissertation; it’s hard to be stressed or to over think when the dog needs a walk and 100% of your attention. Especially when that dog is 6 stone of madness who will nag and nag until you take them out and cause chaos if you don’t pay attention to them! Throwing a ball around with the pooch is its own kind of therapy. not to mention it’s always nice to have a cuddle and feel loved; especially when I’m not showing myself a lot of love.

There are few things in the world that make me laugh and forget my worries. My husband is one of those. Always in my corner, always fighting on my side. He is my biggest advocate, constant supporter and toughest defender. He does his best to fix a problem. If it can’t be fixed? He gives me unwavering support. I’m not saying I can’t fight my own battles, I’m tough when I need to be, but it’s nice knowing that there is forever someone fighting alongside you.  Plus, when I’m in a grump he will just annoy me till I smile. This week, as always, he has been amazing. He can see the low mood on my face even when I think I’m hiding it, he can read it in my body language, and sets out to let me know all will be okay.

with all the chaos of this week I was careful who I confided in. its a universal truth that you cant trust everyone.  Its not always everyone you reach out to with give you the support you need. Those reached out to this week  where suitably outraged and offered their ear and support. I’m lucky to say I have made some good friends. Having my feeling validated made me feel much better. But most importantly I spoke to friends who I knew would put me straight if I need it. Sometime a brew and a chat makes all the difference right?


 My best friend listens to my rambling and helps me make sense of my thinking, always, she’s great. Validates my thinking with reasoned argument. But most importantly takes my out of the blue phone calls and answers my emotional texts. Friends are important, the family we choose, having at least one good friend makes such a difference. I think I would go mad without my best friend. She had been there when I have been utterly irrational and helped me rationalises seemingly impossible situations.

When all the tears have been cried, all the manic attempts to fix the situation have been exhausted and I’m finally starting to feel better… I pour the glass of gin! I’m really careful not to drink when I really feel I need one. If I feel desperate for a drink it’s time for a brew! But now I’m feeling better I can pour a glass. The knowledge in the back of my head that I must be doing a lot better if I’m allowing myself to have a drink. Self medicating can be far to easily done.

Most importantly this week has reminded me that its okay to not feel okay, to be cross or sad. Its okay to have those days or even weeks where you want to cry. I’m lucky to have those wonderful fail safes when things aren’t right. When things are hard. But its okay to feel out of control. Not matter how many wonderful people and things you have in your life, no matter much love, its okay to have a bad week. To cry, shout, feel like things wont go your way. Because sometimes things just aren’t okay.

Even feeling as sad as I have this week: I’m so lucky. I’m not quite feeling myself today but I’m making plans to see my best friend, have just been for a wind walk with my crazy hound, tomorrow I plan for a long run, I have a glass of gin and I’m waiting for my wonderful husband to come home. Things will be okay.


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