You get married and begin a new life with your spouse. Lots of wonderful change. Moving home. New town and new faces. For some reason these massive changes aren’t enough for almost everyone and almost within seconds of saying “I Do” THE QUESTION starts piping up. ” when are you going to have a baby then?”. I can forgive family. They love us and will love our children (if we choose to have them). BUT suddenly strangers or people I hardly know are extremely interested in my reproduction. Ummmm weird! Almost as soon as I enter into conversation the subject probs up. Maybe it’s an age thing? Being young. Or Maybe it’s a gender thing? Or maybe even a newlywed thing? What ever it is I didn’t realise people where so desperate to have a mini Bella or Karl running around.
People alway look shocked when I say I have no idea or that I have no current plans. Then the other questions start. Why don’t I know? Do we want kids. Why haven’t I thought about it in great detail and planed ahead? I’m not sure when and why it became a public concern. I suppose for most it’s a natural progression: get married then have babies. But I’m sure there is no prescribed time frame that those things need to take place in.
Having babies is a huge step! We want some time to be a couple. Maybe have a holiday. Have lie ins, late nights, eat unhealthy food and spend our day enjoying each other’s time, build up our finances, credit scores, my career. Focusing on things that might be harder to prioritise with a little one running around. We want to be selfish for a while is that too much to ask? Most importantly we want to grow as people, grow as a couple.
We already have a baby: Our Dog! Okay, okay I know this one will have some people up in arms. But our dog is part of our family and yes we do look on him as our baby. I know not everyone feels that way about a dog; but we do. Right now he is all we need. I’m not saying forever but at the moment we are enjoying our family of three! This is also the first dog we have gotten together and he has been a massive learning curve.
Sometimes those questions can hurt. A while back I had a health scare that would have greatly impacted having children (luckily all was okay in the end!) but for a few weeks every time someone mentioned having children it hurt. Really hurt. Because people where so brazen, people would throw sentences like “when you have kids”, “wait till you have kids”, “why haven’t you had kids yet”,”when are those kids coming along” and would probe into my future plans around having children. Thirning down an alcoholic drink would even prompt the ” you pregnant?” Joke. It stung. I was suddenly really aware of how insensitive people are around the subject. Had my news been bad instead of good I could have had years of that feeling. I can’t imagine how people who are struggling to conceive feel when bombarded with these questions.
It’s not really something I can decide on my own. Having a baby in a marriage is a two person thing (and making a baby is a two way thing). I can’t just decided this time next year I’m going to have a baby because there are a million things that effect that decision. And not all of those thing are within mine and my husband’s control. We might decide we are not ready: and that’s okay! Or we don’t want children or a million other things. As I’m Crystal ball-less I have no idea when or even indeed if.
Most importantly people need to stop asking me when I’m going to have kids because I have no idea. And it’s none of your business.